The SuccesstressPosted: February 8, 2011
Plain and simple: I’ve felt a disconnect from my old blog, A Joy In Class, so I’ve decided to start a new one. Hope you’re along for the ride.
“SUCCESSTRESS” is really the only thing that sounded right for me at this point in time…I tried a few other names, and everything just looked and sounded really janky. And disgenuine. And if there’s one thing that irks me, it’s disgenuine jank. Well, that and Paul Lynd. Voice like dirty rubber…may he rest in peace.
I’m in a new location, both physically and emotionally. My move to Hollywood was practical, necessary, and quite symbolic.
Practical: my Venice rent went up circa $200. I can’t pay that much extra, especially when I need to be SAVING money.
Necessity: my “drive” was starting to seem like a distant memory. This is the least characteristically Katie thing maybe ever. I’m goal oriented. I have been goal oriented since I was small and drew pictures for Minnie Mouse to give to her when we visited Disneyland so that she would love them and love me and I would be her favorite person ever. Yep, ever. I’ve always been Big Picture with my goal orientedness, but where what that last year? I blame it on a job I have since left, run by a myopic boss who believed everything the workers did was directly related to either making or breaking the enterprise, and I blame it on the area. Venice and Santa Monica are lovely. They really are. I still work in Santa Monica and a couple of my very best friends live on the westside, friends for whom I’d amputate my hand (I don’t like gun/bullet emblematic references because I am scared of guns). But when you wake up in Venice and beach life is mere minutes away – and a run by the ocean can last forever – and everyone probably smokes pot more often than they floss their teeth – and your estimated drive time equation is number of miles to destination x 5 – and you get the sense that everyone you see walking down your street took ninety minutes before they left the house trying to create an entirely new fashion trend – well, life can seem like a free-for-all. I don’t know if you remember your economics class in high school, but NOTHING in this world is free. Especially if you have goals and aspirations and a hunch that success is in your life story. Success is never built by helping hands.
Symbolic: I have lived in Los Angeles my entire life. I “lived” in Orange County during most of college, and in New York for a little under two or so months for a musical theatre intensive, but those don’t really count since they were both while I was a student, and while my education came before “real life.” But get this….I’ve lived everywhere EXCEPT Hollywood. Everywhere except the town DIRECTLY associated with The Business and Actors and Making It. I’ve been everywhere except for where it Happens. Ya dig?
So, the one caveat is that I am subletting from my friend, who is off performing 15 improv shows a week on a cruise line. I’ve unfortunately (or fortunately) fallen in LOVE with his apartment. With the unit itself, with the building, with the location, with the fact that I can tell what time it is simply by the sound of the cars outside (which, I’m noticing right now, you can actually HEAR drive by because they are not gridlocked, and sound like rolling ocean waves. Ironically.)
I am hoping, praying, crossing every finger and toe, that a place either opens up in this building by the time he returns, or he returns so loaded due to his talent and amazingness (not unlikely) that he buys a cottage of his own in the hills and I stay here (a little more unlikely). Until then, I am paying way less than my westside rent, working a lot, and MAKING THINGS HAPPEN.
This blog is meant to chronicle that last part…probably with some random anicdotes thrown in about nothing that is even remotely linear. Probably some health and fitness stuff thrown in, too, of course, both since it is a passion of mine and, I’m not gonna lie, I’m on a quest for an effective fitness and food plan right now that’ll get me down ten big ones (I know that last part has the potential of being all cringe-worthy and I would like to state for the record that I love my body and any scale/clothing goal is just an extension of that and not because any one person or thing makes me believe I should be otherwise). I gotta put that out there, because if I’m being honest on here, I’m being honest on here. Physical and physiological success to me is just as important as personal and professional success.
I’m taking classes at UCB right now, which are way too awesome for me to express in type. I love acting, and love laughing, but I love LEARNING! And I LOVE learning about acting and laughing in a NON schmactory environment. I mean, come on. If you’re acting, you’re acting because you love it and because it is fun and because it is the only way you can see getting the most out of life. For some people, traveling is “getting the most out of life.” For me, “getting the most out of life” means experiencing every single emotion of which I am capable, learning the absolute most possible about myself, and connecting with people on an inspire-and-be-inspired basis. You can’t accomplish any of that if you’ve got this pretentious Schmactor crap goin on. Everyone in my class is totally down to earth, no one is judgemental, and no one is trying to bullshit anyone else. This might not make sense all written out. I’m reading and rereading, and trying to make it make sense.
Anyway, I’m in class, and it turns out, I don’t suck! I’m actually not bad at all and have never (at least not yet) found myself grasping for straws and feeling inadequate. I’m also not holding back at all, which is something I’ve done much of my life both personally and professionally. The worry that someone will think I am saying something dumb or am lame or me worrying I look stupid or crap like that. I dunno if that is just age, or me being comfortable in myself and my brain, or both.
My main objective is to advance to the next levels of classes and find the people I mesh with and form a performance team. To me, that is my most valuable form of “exposure” – yeah, a reel is rad, a website is wicked, but me just being ME is my most valuable asset when it comes to this industry and my place in it.
Next week, I am auditioning for a musical at a small, regional theatre. I want the female lead, as it is one of my dream roles. This theatre is ass far, but I’d gladly make the trek for this gig. So I’ve got my song (a little Bonnie Raitt, yo) and I’ve got my date and time (Wednesday 7:10pm, mothaaas..), and I’m going in and singing like I’m there to set the bar.
My main objective is to set the bar, and get the role, and sing these songs like I’ve been doing since I was in a car seat, basically because I love them….my main objective isn’t really that high-stakes and long-term right now, so I gotta ponder that one….
I’m starting to fade, so that means my first new blog entry has come to a close…..until tomorrow….